someone get that fucking seahorse.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
