How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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