At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My ass is underappreciated
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i believe in u and ur pee
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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