would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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