Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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