he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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