I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
