i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
