Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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