Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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