I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
