Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
