you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
