i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
