I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
