My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
