I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
