There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
