I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize