I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
