and you said cock pushups were impossible
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
