I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
