OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
