Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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