you're like a bully in the Christmas story
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
