you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize