I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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