maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
