She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
