im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
