yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
