he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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