i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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