I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
