hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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