actually, I'm a sock model
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize