and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
