idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
