made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
