Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
