You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
