He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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