I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
