A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
