and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
