So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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