dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
