So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
