he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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