so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
