you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
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Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
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I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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