I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
