Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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