all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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