i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
