I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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