I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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