he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
