She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
