Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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