is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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