I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
