the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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