I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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