after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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