I just saw a hot homeless man
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
