Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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