she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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