so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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