Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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