I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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