I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
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Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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