That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
