Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
