Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
