either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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