Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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