I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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