Church boner. Awkwardddd
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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