I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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