I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sober January is a disaster.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
