atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
