So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
